Army Wives: Finding Strength When Your Husband is Away

Introduction

The United States Military provides a great service to those that live in the country. Often times, however, the spouses and families that are left behind supporting those men and women in the military who are caring out such great services are overlooked. Military wives are a powerful group of women, whose lives have been put on hold while their spouses are training and deployed to other nations. These strong women deal with day-to-day issues and psychological effects that most women in marriages do not have to imagine. Women whose husbands are overseas in the military, the psychological effects and how they deal with the effects are the issues we chose to explore more in depth on such a prominent topic, especially with so many American soldiers currently overseas. As more are sent overseas and serve long deployments, this issue has become more prominent in our society.

Purpose of Research

The purpose of our research was to discover the challenges of being an Army wife while your husband is overseas and to discover how these women deal not only with their everyday duties, but also with the overall challenges and complications that result as a consequence of the absence of their husbands.

Interviews

Heather Oliver

It is usually assumed that eventually for Army Wives, with her husband’s return life will go back to normal. For Heather Oliver, the part-time lifestyle turned into a full-time reality. She married a Georgia Army National Guard man that elected to stay enlisted throughout the thirteen years of their marriage. Along the way, she has seen her fair share of obstacles, trials, and tribulations. However, she has remained strong through it all to support her husband while also making connections with other women to be a symbol of strength and courage to them. Heather has found her strength through women in similar situations as herself, but especially through the Family Readiness Group (FRG) organization. She serves as a chairperson for the organization. When asked if she would rather have a normal life with a husband home all the time, she responded, “Absolutely not, I take an immense amount of pride in what my husband does. I also take an immense amount of pride in what I do when he’s gone."

Erika Etterling

Erika Etterling is a fighter, whose husband just so happens to be one too. Erica’s husband was in the Army for nine years, but for the past three years he has been in the National Guard. So, some would say her family has always been a “military family,” but even with that being said every time her husband leaves it is still hard. He has been deployed since May 2009 on assignment, and had a short leave in August. Like Heather Oliver, the FRG has had a substantial impact on the way she has coped and dealt with her husband’s deployment and consequential absence. The Family Readiness Group was there for Erika when she could not get information for any other sources. She initially reached out to FRG because she was unable to get information on husband and they had updates. Erika has taken a liking to the group so much, that she now is the secretary of FRG. When asked her how it is working closer with FRG she smiled and said, “Interesting.” She said that “there are a lot of different personalities in the group and when dealing with each other. It is important to always be conscious of that.” She said FRG is “like a big support group where each person looks out for each other.”

April Brown

April Brown is married to Mike Brown, and they have four beautiful daughters ranging in ages nine to thirteen months. Mike Brown has been in the military for eight years now. As in Erika’s case, Mike was in the United States Army and then joined the National Guard two years ago. Like the others, he left in May of this year and will return in March. He was able to visit his family towards the end of September this year, and April enjoyed having him home for those short weeks. April said she has not found anything “unexpected from her husband’s deployment this time around, because she has been with him since his earlier time in the Army, and has experience of him being away.” April has met several of the women from being on base and going to events with her husband, but she does not attend the FRG meetings regularly. When asked her why she does not attend the meetings, she said she does not really have time to when trying to juggle four kids and their activities. As far as participation in the FRG, she goes to things that involve her kids, such as the back-to-school function, but otherwise not as much as Heather or Erika. Instead of finding comfort in the FRG, she finds support through her family, her neighbors, and mothers of other children in her children’s school and various sports teams. The moms of children she knows from her girls have become great friends, and help out as much as they can because they know how difficult it is for April to be without Mike during his deployment.

Conclusions

While it is known that each person handles stress, unexpected events, and hard times differently, these women have found comfort and help through the FRG. Even though Heather and Erika participate more so than April; April still utilizes the group for its other events and contributions to the lives of Army wives. Each wife is currently experiencing life without the presence of her husband and her children’s father, but through support groups, whether it be the FRG or family and friends, they find the strength within themselves to continue being strong for themselves, their children, as well as other women on the Army base. These women do not have a spouse to complete a “Marriage Agreement” with, to split childcare and household chores with. They do not have the option of dropping everything on their spouse. At the end of the day, it comes down to them.

Group Reflection

Our group was most surprised and impressed with the strength that each of these women had. Not only within their actions, but also in their demeanors and the way they spoke. They recognized the challenges and hardships of being a single parent while their husbands were away, but they did not see it as a weakness. They saw it as a challenge to rise to the occasion and show what their true colors were. Each woman, with the support of those around her, finds the personal, economic, and psychological support she needs to continue going. These women do not make excuses or think “poor me” or “my poor children,” they keep pushing forward, staying (as much as possible) in contact with their husbands, and surround themselves with the support that is offered. As encouraged in class, we not only need to “think globally,” we need to “ACT locally.” By participating in fundraisers for local FRG groups or sending school supplies for enlistees’ children, we can all do our part to help these strong, beautiful women who are fighting with sheer strength (of all kinds) on the home front, while their husbands fight overseas.