Mothers Who Support Their Gay Children

Introduction

Individuals that are a part of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities face the apprehensive task of coming-out to their family, friends and society in general. Certain cultures have placed a social and moral stigma on homosexuals and transgenders. This collective stigma results in the seclusion and absolute loneliness experienced in the lives of the people in the LGBT community. Coming-out in this society is often marked with fear and negativity which culminates the process as a negative occurrence. The disadvantages with being a homosexual or a supporter of the community, is deeply rooted in the patriarchal system that have permeated cultures in all spectra of civilizations. Patriarchy denounces a woman's choice in sexuality solely based on the factor that it jeopardizes a man's access to sexual pleasure with a woman if she chooses to favor other women. A part of the patriarchal system is the promotion of heterosexism which creates a climate of homophobic tendencies. In response to the negativeness revolved around the subject, we have decided to interview a heterogeneous mix of mothers from all aspects of life; culturally, economically, socially and politically. As a result we hope to create a more positive response to the process of coming-out with interviews of mothers who have and are supporting their gay/lesbian children.

Purpose of Research

The purpose of our research is to find three mothers who support their gay children. We wanted to show the different backgrounds, reactions, and support displayed by these women. Through the interviews, we learned the complex nature and balance of fear, acceptance, and unwavering love between gay children and their mothers. We specifically interviewed mothers who supported their gay children in order to have an uplifting discussion over a controversial issue. We chose women that are inspirational and provide a positive feminist message through their encouragement for their daughter or son. By interviewing mothers who support their gay children, we are demonstrating how a guideline of acceptance will serve as an example to parents of gay children on how to support and promote them in every aspect of life.

Interviewees

Lucy

Our first interview was with Lucy. She is a southern mother with a 23-year-old gay son named Joey. When Lucy found out about Joey being gay she knew nothing different to love him just like she loved him her whole life. She thinks that no mother should change their feelings or treat their gay children differently because they are the same children they raised since birth. In Lucy's opinion the reason why it is such a difficult issue when children come out to their parents is due to the negative stigma attached socially and religiously. She sympathizes with gay boys and girls who feel lost because they live in such a critical and cruel world, but who also do not have someone in their lives that they can get support from. The only values that Lucy was raised with dealt with not stealing, cheating, or lying. She has raised her son to have those same values, and feels sexual orientation is not the slightest of an issue. "The best thing they can do is to work on themself, and the rest will fall into place."

Nancy

Our second interview was with Nancy. She is originally from New Jersey but lives in Washington, DC, and has a 21 year old gay son named Stephen. Nancy had an intuition about her son's sexuality from a young age, and this motivated her to become more involved in politics and the gay movement. Although Nancy comes from a more conservative and religious family, she never felt shame, guilt or disapproval in relation to her son's sexuality. The natural worries associated with having a gay child such as the fear of rejection, along with any potential emotional or physical harm were always felt by Nancy, but living in a more the more liberal environment of Washington, DC comforted her a great deal. Nancy feels very proud of her son for having the courage to come out about his sexuality at a younger age, and is happy that he felt comfortable enough with his environment to do so. She thinks that the most important thing for other mothers with gay children to understand is that after your son or daughter comes out, they are still the same person.

Nancy

Marian

Our final interview was with a mother named Marian. She is Puerto Rican and has a 27 year old lesbian daughter named Alicia. Marian supports her daughter and feels that every person, no matter what, deserves to live the way the want and be accepted no matter what. She has accepted Alicia's sexuality from the beginning and said she was not shocked at all. She believes most mothers have an idea about their child's sexuality from the beginning but most are in denial and refuse to believe it for a while. Marian attends gay events and also shows her support by letting other mothers know they should want their child to be happy and to be happy one must be who they are. She worries about gay people who feel they can not come out or be themselves and feels people need more support. Since she does have several other gay people in her family she has experienced this first hand and seen both ends of the spectrum. She tries to be a support system for other family members who may be suffering from identity crises, depression, and other issues due to lack of support or feelings of rejection because of their sexuality. With all the problems gay men and women have to face it is good to know there are mothers like Marian who support their children no matter what.

Marian and her daughter Alicia

Conclusion

The most important and influential aspect in any man or woman’s life is the feeling of acceptance, and the family unit is the foundation upon which an individual can grow both mentally and physically because of the unconditional love shared by family members. Unfortunately for members of the gay community in today’s society gaining acceptance from their families is easier said than done. The problems that accompany the disenfranchisement of young homosexuals by their families are blatantly evident in the high rate of suicide and depression among the gay youth. Without the support of their families, young homosexuals have a distinct disadvantage in progressing into a confident adulthood and are vulnerable problems that their heterosexual counterparts do not face. In order to reverse the trend of rejection of the gay youth, parents must love unconditionally and understand the development of their child is in their hands. By interviewing supportive mothers of gay children, we are demonstrating how acceptance produces positive outcomes for everyone who is involved. The interviews with Marian, Nancy, and Lucy are vital because they are real life examples of strength, support, and change in American society towards the young gay community. It is the mothers’ goal, as well as ours, to illustrate the necessity for and right to acceptance from the family unit for young homosexuals.

Group Reflection

As a group we were able to understand and compare each mother's experiences and attitudes regarding their gay songs and daughters. Since all mothers have different ethnicities, political views, religious backgrounds and locations, these interviews covered a diverse range of people. The diversity presented in our research gave us a broad spectrum of experiences and uplifting support. These mothers' particular encouragements for their children and for the cause overall proved that it is possible to be positive and offered us an enlightened perspective and optimistic impression over the issue of the matter.